


Pills

by gwiyeosang



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Anxiety, Basically, Depression, Happy Ending, Hongjoong is best leader, M/M, Rant Fic, Sad Ending, San is Caring, San to the rescue, Sort Of, Suicide Attempt, i'm okay why do you ask, it's only san/yeosang if you squint, same with hongjoong/yeosang, yeosang is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwiyeosang/pseuds/gwiyeosang
Summary: Yeosang has been crying and San has a bad feeling deep in the pit of his stomach.* Please note that the suicide attempt is not detailed at all, and the ingestion of pills did not happen on page, nor is this super angsty despite the subject matter. However, if you are in a dark place, I suggest you do not read this.
Relationships: Choi San & Kang Yeosang, Kang Yeosang & Kim Hongjoong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 86





	Pills

San left the dorm, frowning slightly. He had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he couldn’t figure out why. It only got worse as he walked to the kitchen. Even though there was laughter coming from everyone as they ate their breakfast, still on the high of their last performance and fansign, the feeling wouldn’t ease. San looked over his members, studying faces while making jokes himself—if he was quiet, it would cause an uproar trying to figure out what was wrong, and he didn’t want the members to focus on him when he was fine.

His dark eyes landed Yeosang. The older boy was stirring his oatmeal, appearing lost in thought. It wasn’t abnormal for the vocalist to stay quiet—he naturally was—but he looked as though he had been crying and tried to cover it up with makeup. The puffy eyes were barely visible under concealer and you would have had to look closely to notice. San, however, had the visual’s face memorized from days of staring during practice. The puffiness wasn’t just a lack of sleep, and San’s stomach clenched at the thought of this being what caused the bad feeling. He didn’t know how to bring it up without alarming the others, or worse, completely pushing the boy away.

While contemplating what to do, he didn’t notice Hongjoong until he was bit on the head affectionately. “We’re going out, did you want to join us?” the leader asked. “It won’t be long. It’s just to get fresh air since we’ve been trapped in the practice room.”

“Ah, sure. That sounds good. Let me just get ready.” San grinned. “You need the most air out of all of us. I don’t want to know what your studio smells like since you’re stuck there all day, every day.”

“I guess you won’t get snacks, then,” Hongjoong responded lightly, earning a pout from San as he left to get changed into something that didn’t shout _idol_. He loved performing but sometimes he wished he would be able to go to the corner store without being noticed and asked for an autograph.

Once he returned, six of them were waiting. Seonghwa informed him that Yeosang was feeling a bit tired, and would join them later if he felt up to it. San nodded, heart feeling heavy. There was something _wrong_ with the vocalist. Why was nobody noticing? Why did it seem like nobody cared, other than him?

They left, San trailing behind with his hands in his jacket, trying to keep them away from the bitter cold. He hated winter time, it was way too cold. He joked with Wooyoung, who always seemed to have energy despite the long schedules. San watched as Seonghwa offered Hongjoong his jacket. Everything was normal, just not with him. Not with Yeosang. They barely got four blocks away before San froze completely, panic bubbling in his throat.

“Hyung, do you have your phone with you?” he asked Yunho, who just looked at him confused. None of them were supposed to have phones, or at least that’s what they told the fans. No Atiny believed them though. “I forgot mine on my dresser, and I just want… I need to check…”

“Yeosang is fine,” Yunho responded, voice calm. “He’s just tired. He’s probably sleeping right now. You could wake him up if you called.”

San swallowed back his frustration and nodded. Yunho had a point; if Yeosang _was_ sleeping, it would be detrimental for his health if San woke him up. But he couldn’t just ignore how he was feeling… He decided to give it twenty more minutes until he demanded a phone. He just needed to hear Yeosang’s voice to make sure hew as okay.

The group purchased snacks for the house, San picking up one of Yeosang’s favourite chocolates. He couldn’t believe that everyone was seemingly _useless_ and it shifted his mood negatively. Even Wooyoung was avoiding him now, moving to discuss something or another with Jongho, who looked like he would rather be anywhere else. Everyone loved Wooyoung, but San (and Mingi) were really the only ones who could handle his energy, and Mingi was too busy talking to Yunho about video games, something Wooyoung really didn’t have much interest in despite what he said.

San grabbed Hongjoong roughly, ignoring the surprise on both his and Seonghwa’s faces at the clear disrespect for someone older. Hongjoong’s face softened as he looked at San. “Did you want to go back?”

“I… Yes, can I?” San pleaded, running fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make everything miserable. You guys can stay out, I’ll just…”

“You don’t even have a phone.” Seonghwa waved his hand. “Hongjoong, why don’t you take him back? We won’t be out too much longer.” Hongjoong nodded in response, and the two started heading back home.

It took thirty minutes for them to reach the building, but it felt like hours for San. He hadn’t realized how far they had walked. If something had _happened_ , nobody would have been able to reach Yeosang in time. He didn’t even know if the boy’s phone even had a charge. He apologized to the leader as he ran up to the room and found Yeosang lying on the floor, a bottle of pills in his hand.

The vocalist jolted, looking up at the other as the door slammed shut and he soon found San inches from his face. Yeosang had never seen San look so furious and it scared him sort of that it was directed at him.

“ _What are you doing_?” San demanded, completely informal in his rage. “Why the fuck do you have pills in your hands?”

“Language,” Yeosang berated, quietly. “And it’s just…”

“You’ve been crying.” San traced the still wet tear tracks lining Yeosang’s face. “What’s wrong?” Yeosang stayed quiet. “Did you take any?”

“J-Just… I….” Yeosang felt anxiety bubbling in his throat. He didn’t want to be found, he didn’t want to explain. He didn’t even try to leave a note.

“How many?” San had grabbed Yeosang’s phone and was already dialing emergency services. Despite his anger and panic, he was surprisingly calm.

“I don’t…”

San nodded and started speaking lowly on the phone, keeping an eye on Yeosang. It didn’t look like he took too many pills, or they just hadn’t been absorbed in his system yet. But the fact of the matter was Yeosang needed help, especially if he was considering this way out. It hurt him to know that the boy was suffering. He had a deep respect for the older man, especially since he could have been in the biggest group right now had he not left the company. He personally, didn’t think he could have made that decision.

He sent a quick text to the others and their manager, so nobody would panic at the fact nobody would be home when they got back. San heard Hongjoong rush into the room, instincts taking over to check the boy. Yeosang just let him and San realized his body was probably feeling sleepy.

“Stay awake, baby boy,” he whispered. Yeosang shot a weak glare his way for the nickname, causing Hongjoong to chuckle as he helped Yeosang into a jacket as the medical staff reached the room. The two idols watched as the other got taken out on a stretcher, both being forbidden by their manager to go with them and to wait there for the others, who were reportedly on the way back.

It was hours later and the seven friends were cursing at each other, tensions flaring. Yunho was nearly crying because he felt it was his fault. If he had just let San call, maybe it could have been avoided. Seonghwa was pissed at himself because he should have noticed the boy was quieter than normal. Hongjoong was trying to keep a level-head but even he was being reduced to telling Wooyoung, who was screeching his worry, to shut the fuck up.

San’s phone rang and he picked it up, his hands shaking as he realized it was the manager. He put it on speaker. “Is everything okay?” San didn’t care that he would get scolded for the lack of greeting. He just wanted to know.

“Yeosang’s requested his contract be nullified and to return to Pohang,” his manager responded, voice grave. The members started yelling. “Quiet. He is barely conscious so I’m making the decision to let his head clear before we make any big decisions regarding his future in the team. As for right now, the media is, unfortunately, aware of his attempt, so we will need to keep him out of the spotlight for a while.”

“But he will survive?” Jongho asked, eyes bright with concern. “He’s okay?”

“San caught him in time.”

There was a breath of relief, that was only shattered by all of their phones buzzing with alerts on fancafe. Letters to Yeosang to get better, they’re there for him. Some even saying they feel the same way, and the group gave them strength. San felt his throat close as he realized just how close he was to losing the person he truly considered his best friend and he didn’t realise he was crying until Mingi reached out to wipe his tears with his sleeve.

San wanted to know what happened, what made Yeosang feel the way he did. Why he would go so far to leave everyone, his friends, his family. And yet, he could understand deep down. Yeosang wasn’t confident in his performances, and he had admittedly made a few mistakes in the previous performance; his voice cracked and he stumbled a bit during the rap. It happens. Mistakes happen.

He hung up with his manager after being assured that Yeosang would be returning to them after a few days. San pulled Hongjoong into a different room, and the two of them made a new plan to help Yeosang overcome whatever was bothering him. A sort of therapy. San watched as Hongjoong set up a therapy session for Yeosang, for the week after, as well as ensuring that every medicine was locked up in his own room. San felt helpless as he watched Hongjoong and offered help, but Hongjoong just laughed it off.

“I’m the leader. It’s my responsibility to take care of you.”

San nodded once, and started setting appointments to make sure Yeosang had someone with him at all times. He was happy that they previously switched dorm partners and now Seonghwa was Yeosang’s roommate. Seonghwa could squawk all he wanted over Yeosang. He just hoped it wouldn’t cause a relapse once Yeosang got better.

He would make sure Yeosang never felt this way again.


End file.
